


Neverlasting

by rorywilliaws



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loss, Post-Episode: s07e05 The Angels Take Manhattan, Pre-Episode: s07e06 The Snowmen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:17:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2066130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorywilliaws/pseuds/rorywilliaws
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How many lives a man can live? He has found in the worse way that only one is enough. A man could endure the sins of a lifetime, but not the twelve. Not without any pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neverlasting

**Author's Note:**

> At the first place, it's a... experiment. English is not my native language, but I'm learning and decided to try writing something. If there's anything wrong, I feel sorry. I'd love to know what is, so I can fix it :)  
> That fiction is also found in portuguese on my profile, if, i dont know, you speak portuguese or whatever.  
> Hope you enjoy! :)

How many lives a man can live? He has found in the worse way that only one is enough. Of course, living is beautiful, everything which has to see, to feel, to... just live. Sound repetitious, but life makes sense for its own and there aren’t more words.

 

But it, sadly, is full of bad moments too, of sadness and loss. Or maybe not so sadly, whereas without them, the good things don’t look so good in comparison. Yeah, life is a pile of good and bad things, and one can’t exist without the other part.

 

The problem is, right, everyone can deal with problems of a life. But and with 12 different lifes? How can someone live carrying the weight of twelve whole lifes without collapse? He knew the bad events didn’t spoil the good ones or make them less important, but, on his heart, he felt that’s almost it.

 

He was trying to live in the better way possible, sure. Smile despite everything, envisage all positively. He couldn’t complain that much, because any of his 12 lives were exactly poor. So many wonders, so many stunning places and interesting people, it all affording be seen by different points of view which made everything seen brand new. Traveling though the time to the mostly fantastic places, across the space up the mostly wonderful events.

 

And all the euphoria of being a hero. Save those fascinate creatures who are the humans, mainly, and other ones though the huge space-time. Grow, learn, and be useful and important. E then, be the last of his specie. As a god, the only one strong enough to survive, the last time lord, ruling the time.

 

And there was it, the grief. He carried that fault, one of the biggest ones on the enormous sea of them where he was living. He had killed all a kind, all his specie, how could he carry on his life after that? E even so, he kept going, and decided to bring pain to other people’s life.

 

Now, Rose Tyler was stuck on another universe. Martha Jones, because of him, gave up being a doctor and started risking her life working to Torchwood. Donna Noble couldn’t see him again nevermore, or she would die, and even knew how wonderful she is. Amy and Rory were stuck in another time, a fixed point in time, all alone, and Brian lost his son. River Song was dead, and it was his fault.

River Song, by the way, was a delicate subject. Her whole life was destroyed by his guilt. She has never grown up with her parents (or maybe yes, considering that she was their best friend during their childhood, but that’s not the right way), spent years alone in the dark, kidnaped to be a weapon, made to kill him. Maybe he should have left her murder him.

 

Even so, she loved him and stayed on his side. He never had be where he is now without her, in a good way. He messed up her life, and she forgave him. But she mustn’t, because he is guilt for her dead. She sacrificed herself for him on the damn library, and he has never came back to see her. A book unused on a shelf with an unread end.

 

He was so small than all of them. He felt little. He brought them so he could show himself, how big he was, so they could be admired and his ego, fed, but in the end he saw that all people who traveled with him was, truly, better people than him, much more important. And he didn’t envy them, but admired. They were all bright… E he left them on the darkness.

 

How many people would have to die or suffer until he learned his lesson? That he only came in on their life to bring sorrow and wreck, and only brought sorrow and wreck for his own. In the end, everybody left him, and he hates endings, so he ran away from them.

 

Maybe he would just travel alone in his small-big blue box, because he doesn’t want to end anything, e then he run and start everything again, never seeing that end. But some he was bound to watch, and these hurt on his chest even now.

 

He has two hearts, perfect to hug the entire world, the people, the places, but now both of them are broken.

 

There was a last end to be faced: his own. Was it time to give up?

 

 Sat on that cloud, alone, he thought. He was weak, selfish and egocentric. In the end, he would convince himself that he was too important to give up. Or he will have friends to do it, and soon another girl will be inside his TARDIS, and he will bring sorrow to someone’s life again, purely because he need someone to admire him. Or maybe because he doesn’t want to feel so alone.

 

It was the karma of his life, carry the weight of too much lifes, not only his, but neither all other guy’s life who passed by his life. It was an enormous burden; even he was already used to support this load. Could be worse, probably will be very soon.

 

He was faded to this, a life alternating being a god and a monster. Shines bright while burns on hell’s flames.

 

He was the origin of the word “Doctor” in several places. In some, doctor means “powerful warrior”, but in his hearts’ intimate, Doctor was just a boy and his little blue box running randomly, trying to smother his own gloom, always so powerless. Doctor means loneliness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to read!  
> If you can let a review saying what did you think of the story (and also my english, haha), will be lovely, i'd appreciate very much :)


End file.
